Ask The Hurricane

DC: The City That Fashion Forgot

2009-07-25T12:28:00.032-04:00

The Hot Messes of Washington, DC:

What Not To Do When Planing Your Evening Attire.

First and foremost, my sincere apologies for not having posted an entry since July 3rd. Outside of my extremely busy schedule, I'm also what you might call a "camera mooch." I recently visited DC last weekend (My Big from my Sorority was attending law school at GWU, so I visited her there a few times and grew quite fond of the city, so now I visit whenever I can). Back to the topic of me being a camera mooch... My camera broke quite a while ago and I haven't had much motivation to get it fixed or purchase a replacement because my friends always have cameras whenever we go out. Here lies the problem.... I'm completely dependent on them to upload their photos on facebook for my snagging pleasure, which in turn gives me no right to demand they do so with haste. My solution to this problem.... I'll have to stop being such a damned mooch and shell out the $150 to buy a new camera (doing so this weekend).

Okay, so let's get into the grit of this post, the juice... the whole reason for this particular entry. I recently was home working, watching one of those cheesey Lifetime Television for Women movies and "Washington, DC... the city that fashion forgot," was a phrase used in the film. I knew I was going to DC the following week and I remembered all the horrible "Hot Messes" I'd encountered upon every trip out to D.C. Some of the things people wear out there are outrageously unnacceptable when it comes to fashion. In fact, I would rank DC fashion in the same class as Pittsburgh, where stirrup pants, oversized sweatshirts, side-ponytail schrunchies and slouch socks are considered "the hot new shit." While Pittsburgh is a bit antiquated in regard to fashion... DC is more so along the lines of "are you serious?" or "wtf is that?" See, the problem is many (notice I said many... not all) DC folks go out in these ridiculous ensembles, swaring to the high heavens that their outfit is sharp and stylish. To add insult to injury, these ridiculous hot messes get more motivation to put together yet another ridiculous outfit for their next night out when they get loads of attention from people like my friends and I who request to have our photo taken with them. You see, the messes believe we want to take pictures with them because they look so fly... while in reality, our motive is to get the photo in order to post on facebook for our entertainment, to get feedback via photo comments from our friends who share our opinions on the ridiculousness of the messes in question.

Now I won't say that NYC is absent of its own hot mess population... yes, we've got 'em too. However, when you see a hot mess in the city, it doesn't appear as though the person is trying to be stylish. It's quite apparent that the person doesn't give a crap about their appearance. For those New Yorkers who do try to be fashionable and in your opinion have failed miserably, it's all a matter of personal taste and I'd relate their seemingly odd fashion choices to a more avante-garde approach.

So, now for your viewing pleasure... some of the ridiculous hot messes I've encountered on during y visits to D.C. (fashion victims have been protected so as not to display their true identity... we're not trying to hurt feelings here).

I wish I was able to snag a photo of the first mess I encountered en route to my hotel. I wasn't able to get a good angle from my window, while driving. However, I'll fill you in on what this particular mess was wearing... Skin tight, shiny, metallic, capri, leggings, with a skin-tight, midrift, hoodie of the same grotesque material and to top it all off... shiny, gold, hooker platform heels and a gold purse. All I can say is... OMG.

Case in point... We like to call him "Big Blue Bear," (pictured left) no explanation needed... but homeboy seriously thought he was fly. I wonder what animal his coat came from... perhaps the Cookie Monster?

(Pictured Right) Shiny, purple romper... what? Why not just go out naked? We should all keep in mind that when going out, we pick either the "T" or the "A" and embellish one of them, but never both.

(Pictured Left) Omg the return of Biggie Smalls! Either this guy is a pimp or he just got back from his audition for the feature film NOTORIOUS. Hell yes, men who go all out and wear suits can be super sexy, but the suit should be sleek and simple with bold accents in either shirt color or choice of tie. Super long, overly pin-stripped suit jackets with Fedora caps don't qualify as stylish, but are rather reminiscent of Kat Williams or Snoop Dogg videos.

(Pictured Right) Not much to say here... it's really not all that bad. I just think she looks like she'd be more comfortable on a senior citizen tour bus than at a nightclub or lounge.

(Pictured Left) Okay, so I'm not complaining about the fact that this woman obviously has something medically wrong with her arms, shit happens. My only suggestion is; when in an environment such as a nightclub or lounge, where it's sweaty and you're constantly bumping into other people, be considerate and wear something that covers that mess so people aren't afraid they'll catch scabies from you.

(Pictured Right) Once again... wtf is that? I'm not even sure what era to associate this awful piece of apparel with. The only way a top like this would work is if it were hidden as a camisole underneath a buttoned up blazer, so that just the top portion detail would show. This photo reminds me of the stylings of Right Said Fred "I'm too sexy," with his mesh, see-through tanks.

Lastly, these particular messes were scouted out in the light of day in Georgetown. They're not the worst I've seen, but definitely notable mentions, worthy of making it to this post.

(Pictured Left) Cute dress on the wrong body type. It accentuates all the wrong areas on her body, making her back look very broad and pinching at her arms, adding an appearance of an additional 15 pounds on her figure. This dress is way too short for her and does nothing for her legs, but make them look unshapely. A better choice would have been a lower waste line, cap sleeve and an additional 3-4" in length.

(Pictured Right) Mary Poppins! May I just point out that the weather on the waterfront in Georgetown was perfect... in the high 60's with a slight breeze. Definitely no need for gloves and a parasol.

That concludes the Hot Messes of D.C.... feel free to email me photos of the hot messes you encounter on the subway, at the mall... wherever.

The Super Sexy Stiletto: When Classic/Sleek Meets Funk/Flava

2009-07-03T14:25:00.005-04:00

Okay ladies, let's admit it... most of us love, love, love us some super high and sexy ass stilettos. Men claim they don't care about shoes, but I must admit there's never been a day I've worn a pair of shoes from my super hot collection and not received a compliment from a straight or gay man.

We all love our own personal shoe collection, but there's something to be said when the love of our collection is universal and appreciated by the general public. I tend to lean more toward the simple classic stiletto shape, sleek with a very thin and very high heel; no clunk or confusion to distract the eyes from capturing the features stilettos were designed to embellish (your super hot and shapely, elongated legs).

I love the little black dress, and I've found a great way to dress up this style with bold and funky patterned shoes (always keeping that simple shape consistent). Funky patterns combined with crazy shoe structure tend to in so many words "make you look like a clown." You want the simple shape to offset the boldness of the pattern you've selected. Then you can have a ball matching accessories with the least prominent color in your shoe, letting the public know... "these shoes are not only purple... they've got a hint of magenta in them as well."

Picking out the least prominent color in your bold and crazy shoe keeps you from going overboard and looking too "matchy," as if you're trying too hard. If your shoes have a design with yellow, blue, orange, black, white and pink... why not wear a skinny yellow belt, orange clutch and gold earrings? I'm telling you... you'll look supa-dupa fly.

Check out the photos below to see how I hook up my crazy shoes with simple outfits and accessories for tips on your next ladies night out.

I appreciate your comments and any photos you want to send me of the most awesome pair of shoes you own. askthehurricane@gmail.com

Pair these awesome Purple Paisley Exude pumps by Carlos Santana $100 (but you can probably find them on sale for $70 now), with a navy blue dress, magenta skinny belt and purple snake skin clutch. If you look closely, you can see the shoes have magenta, blue and purple colors in them.

Pair these funky black/white Baker's boot stiletto with a simple black dress, make your outfit pop with a white clutch and silver earrings.

Pair these crazy beautiful Carlos Santana Exude Blue Fantasy pumps ($100 sadly they are discontinued... but I bought 2 pair!) with a gray or black dress, yellow skinny belt and orange Fendi clutch.

Match this simple black satin blouse, dark wash skinny jean and patent leather, red skinny belt with these Casadei black pinstripe and red patent leather toe pumps $470 or these Baby Phat sexy zebra pumps $80.

Wear these black, white and electric orange Casadei sneaker pumps $470 with a pair of skinny jeans or a fitted, black mini dress... accessorize with an or ange clutch.

Wear these brown snake skin Baby Phat Stilettos $80 to jazz up your boring brown work suit in the office.

Okay, well these Hotttt Ass Gucci sandals $420 are black, so you can wear them with anything.... I just thought I'd add them to the photos so you could be jealous with envy lol jk. They are supa fly though... Do you agree? Let me know your thoughts.

5 Minute Flawless Makeup: That Shows Up In Photographs

2009-07-01T22:33:00.001-04:00

Oh I remember the days when I was a pre-teenager and knew nothing about makeup or what was acceptable or presentable to wear on ones face. True story, my 6th grade science teacher (to this day, one of the best educators I've ever had the privilege of learning from) pulled me aside in the hallway before class and had a talk with me about my makeup. She was being motherly and didn't want me to make a fool of myself, god bless her.

Here's what happened... my friends and I had fallen in love with this teen gymnastics movie that came out on television (one of those made for TV specials). In the film, the star gymnast wore a purple tinted lipstick with a really, really dark lip liner and lots of sparkles and white eyeliner on the eyelid. Of course, being young and ridiculous we/I decided it would be a good idea to emulate this style.

I showed up at the door of my 6th grade science class with white eyeliner on my lids and shimmery purple lipstick, hideously outlined with black eyeliner (the dark purple lip liner I bought wasn't dark enough for my taste apparently). In hindsight, I remember that day and realize I looked like a complete idiot who stuck her mouth into a pile of oreo cookie dust omg!

Thank you Mrs. Kilar (wherever you are for helping me out).

Let us fast forward to a little over ten years later... I know how to do great makeup that I'm always complimented on YAY! The best part about it is that it takes less than 5 minutes to do and it shows up great in photographs.

Here's what you'll need:

-Foundation Solid (I use Clinique but feel free to use whatever you've got)
-Black Liquid Eyeliner (Jemma Kidd & Mac work well)
-Black Mascara (Mac or Pixi are great)
-Champagne colored shimmery blush/eyeshadow with multiple shades in one compaq (Bobbi Brown & Perscriptives are the best).
-Shimmery pink blush/eyeshadow in one compaq with multiple shades (Bobbi Brown & Perscriptives work best)
-One eyeshadow of your choice (I use brown for everyday, but I go with the crazy Mac colors when I go out dancing).
-Clear mascara gel (I use Mac)
-Neutral toned lip gloss with the tiniest hint of color (I use Smashbox)

The Process:

1. Clean your face thoroughly with eye makeup remover and astringent then make sure to moistureize with a facial gel or lotion. Bobbi Brown makes a product called "Skin Control Face Gel" that works marvelously. It moisturizes and tightens your skin, making it bouncy and firm. When you are cleaning and moisturizing your face, make sure to push up and back rather than down; they say this helps keep you from getting so many wrinkles as you age.

2. Take your foundation solid and dab very lightly at any blemishes or scars you may want to cover. We are not coveing our entire face in foundation, that's way too much makeup and can make your skin look dry and peely. Lightly blend in the areas you've used foundation on.

3. Take your champagne shimmer blush/eyeshadow compaq and lightly cover the entire eyelid.

4. Take the same champagne shimmer blush/eyeshadow compaq, using a mixture of the 3 lightest colors and apply generous amounts right under the eyebrow, at the top of the cheekbone and in the tear ducts. Once you've generously applied the champagne shimmer, use a blush brush to pull some of the color from your cheekbones, lightly onto your cheeks. Highlighting these areas on your face really accent your bone structure and they are the key to having great makeup for pictures. This is the most important step.

5. Lightly go over the highlighted cheekbone with the lightest 3 colors of your shimmery pink blush compact. This gives a bit of life to your cheeks.

6. Take the eyeshadow of your choice and generously apply it inside the crease of your eye with a crease brush. Once the color is very dark inside of the crease, lightly fan some of that color upward and out, blending it with the champagne blush/eyeshadow to show a gradual changing of color.

7. Apply a thin and straight line of liquid liner to the top of your eyelid. Leaning into a mirror, resting the application arm on the wall as I'm applying helps me get straight lines.

8. Apply regular black eyeliner to the under part of your eye. I tend to favor the roll-up eyeliners, Clinique makes a good one.

9.Apply mascara and lip gloss... you're good to go!

The Most True of Intentions: Yet, No Sex In The City

2009-06-29T18:13:00.001-04:00

The Most True of Intentions: Yet, No Sex In The City

So,

As a teenager, no older than I'd say fourteen or fifteen, I instantly fell in love with the all time mid to late nineteen nineties classic drama featuring every girly girl's favorite Sarah Jessica Parker, the infamous and guilty pleasure "Sex and the City." What young and gorgeous NY/NJ/CT metro area girl didn't have dreams of growing up to live in a luxe apartment/co-op/condo somewhere in Manhattan below 100th street with a closet full of chic experimental clothing and an all too trendy career in fashion and relationship journalism?

I've always loved to write. I began writing probably before I even knew how to construct a proper sentence and I always had plans to use my skill sometime in the future if I could ever get my hands on the time to do it freely. I began by being compulsive and purchasing all sorts of trendy and distressed, leather-bound journals that I promised myself I would fill with beautiful scribbles of cool-colored calligraphy and tag up with stickers and side notes to make whatever I was writing seem a bit more appealing to myself and my readers.

So I finally got the chance.... all the time I needed in the world. I had successfully graduated from college in 2007 and landed a great job in the city in advertising. I was well on my way to somehow finding a way to make my apartment/co-op/condo below 100th street into a reality, when all of a sudden, "due to the state of the economy," I kid you not.... this is how the conversation between myself and managers began... I was laid off by let's call them the "Evil Empire," and see if you can figure out which broadcast monopoly I'm speaking of. I like to think of it as a blessing in disguise. I loved the fast paced environment and getting to dress beautifully and feel important. But I felt as though I was working myself to the bone. I was basically a slave working for free. The economy was in bad shape and no matter how much extra effort I put into my work, I never saw the benefits of my labor.

Considering that my company was pretty generous with the severance package and I was also able to collect unemployment as well as explore other artistic, freelancing opportunities, I though it would be the perfect time for me to begin writing. After all, I had loads of free time and blogging was a free and interesting pastime.

So, I started off with a bang. I wrote some pretty interesting things, but then my OCD kicked in and I became obsessed with the beginning, middle and the end of my story. I felt I couldn't make it to the present without explaining the past and surely I couldn't move onto the future without establishing the present... right? I've been blessed with an overactive mind which often tends to serve me in my procrastination and failure to progress. There is always something in the way, stopping me from just doing, just being. I am famous for beginning, but never finishing. When I do find things that I am passionate about, I will finish them, so I guess my only choice is to become passionate about this.

So, I've decided.... I'm not going to blog about anything that needs to have a past established before I can begin blogging about the present and future. I'll write about anything that pops into my crazy head and hope for the best. Get ready for a wild ride.

I have since been re-employed by another media company in the city (way better than the "Evil Empire," and way more fun), so I have pretty busy work week, which means I'll probably post on the weekends with an occasional addition randomly throughout the week (all dependent on my mood and schedule of course).

If you like what you read and you want more... tell me! Stalk me on google talk and email me suggestions. I'm addicted to my blackberry so my google talk messages come in as texts. I'll be more apt to write if I know people want more.